i give up on complaining. it wasn't doing me any good.

two weeks.

this is a facebook status, but i can't post it there.

sabrina wishes she felt welcome in her own apartment.





i can't wait to go home.

Cecily was at an elite preschool for four year olds, even though she was like 12. I walked into the room just in time to hear her tell the aide "I don't like stencils." The stencils she was talking about were those foam sheets with cut outs of flowers and things on them. She was trying to just move on and color, but he asked "What do you mean you don't like stencils?" So she replied "I'd rather carve out my own!" and started gouging the paper with her blue crayon. So the aide says "I think we've had enough time working with stencils" and tries to grab her hands. She's moving them around like crazy to try and cover her work and keep coloring, but he finally catches them and says "Ok we're done working with stencils in three, two, one..." at which point she was expected to drop her crayon.


Which is when my alarm clock went off.

so for those of you who like orisinal.com games... there's a new one! you're a really cute cat who hops on bubbles for points.

its super adorable, and i think it would be my favorite ever, but the guitar line of the song that's playing sounds far too much like kiss me by sixpence none the richer and its driving me bonkers. i love the song, but thinking its going to play and then it doesn't is messing up my jumps. and no, i can't just turn it off, cuz i am the epitome of stubborn.


sigh.

EDIT: It also gives you "rock band vision". sideways. oww.

TODAY: I am happy.

That is all.

so i'm sitting down to write up a midterm essay that's due tomorrow.  and obviously, i haven't got very far with it yet, but i needed a breather after my classes. 

so i'm sitting here thinking about how the school year is going by really fast, and it occurs to me for like the eighth time this week "ahhh! it's almost november!" what's wrong with november, you ask? well, nothing in particular. i mean its not november's fault. but november does happen to be when NaNoWriMo takes place. which means as usual that i really want to participate.

i told myself last year when i was struggling with my novel that i would just push through and try my best and then this year, as a graduating senior, i would have more than enough excuses to take a year off.  being a student isn't really conducive to novel writing in the first place, and with the pressures of budget cuts, presidential directives, and self worth, its really important that i do this year right.

giving myself an extra 50,000 word assignment is not doing it right.

still. the spirit of NaNo is in the air and i had to at least check out the site and see what was going on in the world of annually insane writers.


and then it hit me. an idea for a NaNoWriMo novel flew into my left ear (i swear) completely unbidden. and its the easiest idea i've ever conceived to write about, especially since the first two times i attempted NaNo i didn't have any ideas until about 12:03 am november first.  so not only do i once again have a rough idea ahead of time, but in a few brief seconds i saw the entire thing laid out before my eyes.  i know how to introduce it, how to structure it, how to transition between characters.... i can't get stuck in the middle (or beginning, really, since the combined work of three years has netted me 33553 words total) like in years past, because without writing a single word in advance, i know how to navigate most of my hang ups from the last three years of trying this.

except how much darn time it takes.  which brings me back to not wanting to participate.  a classmate and i were talking today about all the reading we've done so far this year so i went ahead and did some calculations. assuming i finish all my reading assignments for this weekend, by monday i will have read over 2500 pages and written at least 35 of my own since the end of august.  that's a lot of work. granted there won't be as much just in november, but you can get some idea of what all i'm doing.  so another 50,000 words (about 150 pages based on my average word count) is a ton of work.

and yet i still want to make the effort. am i stupid?

bard bonsai wish.
sabrina bowdish.

Also, Happy Thanksgiving!

Who cares if you're not Canadian? Celebrate anyways!

so many of you know that i've been working on minors in english and anthropology.  earlier this semester (the end of this week will make it a month ago) i turned in paperwork to officially add said minors, but they haven't been signed yet.

its... so... frustrating...

i have one class left to finish each minor, so it should be a piece of cake to let me add them, but since budget cuts are harsh, the school is making it harder to do just about anything. including adding minors you're nearly done with. 

in order to move along the person whose signature i need, i just sent out emails to the department chairs of the english and anthropology departments hoping that they'll feel gracious enough to write letters on my behalf.  my inner worry-wart tells me they won't, but at least I tried.

i mean, come on. i need 12 units to be full time, but have only 9 left to take in my major, so they have to let me take one more class.  and if they're letting me take one more, then why not two more, right?



right?

Sara's birthday is sunday.

will you go see her for me since i can't be there?

I have one life to live as I know it.  Whether or not I get any others after this one really isn't relevant to the rest of what I have to say, but something I heard in class today really struck a chord with me. 

We have a life, and we really ought to try and make the best of it.

So here, world, is my vow.

I am going to try and enjoy every last little bit of life.  And when I run across things too difficult to enjoy, I'm going to try to do them well, so that I will be able to take at least some satisfaction from the knowledge that I have done my best.

Maybe this isn't so different from the unspoken goals that I've already set for myself, but I felt the need to spell these out.

anthropology frightened me today.

we were talking about preschools in three cultures.  about little kids playing with their friends, throwing tantrums, and learning their alphabets.  since the cultures were those of china, japan, and the us, these topics lead to ones of economics.  which lead to politics.  which lead to population size.  which lead to family size.  which lead to birth rate.

which lead to "replacement level"-- the idea that some countries--japan included-- are not reproducing at levels high enough to replace the members of their population that die.

so the idea that if this trend continues, the japanese will one day disappear, is frightening enough.


but... but... replacement level? the part of my brain that remembers high school literature and a brave new world  has been screaming for the past hour.

some news headlines just aren't as cool when you read them right:

HELSINKI TACKLES RABBIT

is way better than:

HELSINKI TACKLES RABBIT MENACE BY FEEDING....

which at least got better when I got the rest of it:

Helsinki tackles rabbit menace by feeding them to the lions

and if you're wondering what sent me to yahoo! uk, check this out: 

107-year-old Malaysian woman seeks 23rd hubby

so we've been back at school for, what-- two weeks?

here's my homework list for the long weekend, just for a look-see at the craziness i got myself into taking two anthro classes, two literature classes, and one i like to call 'what can i do with my art degree?', though its really called careers practicum. i think mine's more sensible.

due tuesday:
- write an artist's bio
- write an artist's statement
- write about the weekly art lecture
- re-write curriculum vitae (stick-up-ass version of a resume)
- read ch 5 of mythology textbook
- read ch's 1-11 of little women, citing all references to reading in the text
- write paper on weiland

and wednesday:
- read information on margaret mead
- read ch's 1-10 of magic, science, and religion textbook (class for wednesday was furloughed)

what fun.

hey dan and others,

we're going to miss the first day of anime club, and i was wondering if any of you with your awesome internet powers and find the first episodes of these shows for us. then when we come home this weekend, we can make our own anime club!

anywho, we need:
shana second
tora dora
blue drop
casshern sins
tytania

if no one can find them, that's fine, but i thought it wouldn't hurt to ask.

::hugs::

so assassin's creed rocks. i played seven hours straight from friday night into saturday. and no, i don't have an xbox.

but the boys' apartment has two. :D

also, my ceiling is 13 and 1/2 feet high.

it echos.

today is the last first day of school i might ever have. (next semester doesn't count)

and i'm so scared.

not the usual "OMG! will i find my classes? will people like me? will i make friends? will my teachers be nice? will i get overloaded with homework?"

but "will my classes get canceled because of budget cuts? will furloughs impede my ability to turn in paperwork and meet deadlines?  will there be a job for me when i graduate?"

the probability of a yes answer to these questions is infinitely more frightening.

boo.

moved in yesterday.

got mostly just my clothing and bedding situated and then gave up for the day, so today i have to take care of my desk and closet, which is pretty much everything since i don't have much storage space. 

if i could find my camera, i'd show you my room, but that will have to wait until i happen upon it.  but really, you have to see how high my ceilings are. when i find the tape measure...

so i decided to start work on my desk, and of course i set up my laptop first. which means i won't get back to work for a while.

i should eat lunch.

i'll be back in two weeks for labor day weekend.

hugs.

if you haven't already made plans for tonight, don't. its my last night before i go back to school, so i want to see peoples.  i'll start the phone calls some time after dinner with my family.

hugs!

the 4th of july is my second favorite holiday. it was fantastic this year. i highly doubt halloween will be able to beat it this time.

bravo folks, bravo.

sabrina is in the middle of one of her once-in-a-not-so-great-while freak-outs. she... she...

she feels poor. but she knows that there are plenty of people less fortunate than she out there, and that some of them will probably read this.

she feels sad. like her heart hurts a little, though she couldn't hazard a guess as to why.

she feels scared. but is pretty sure there's nothing to be scared about.

she feels upset.  though there really isn't anyone to be mad at.

she feels lonely.  but she saw sara today, so she has seen the face of loneliness and knows that it does not look like her own.

she needs a hug. but can't ask for one because she needs to go to bed.

i am SO glad to be home.

like, indescribably glad.

i woke up panicked that i would have to go back to school on sunday because i had just come home for the weekend, but then i remembered it was summer.

and then i smiled.